Back again, and (I write with immense satisfaction) no more trips planned for a
month. I get to spend weekends in my own bed. The traveling has been taking its
toll on most of us who have been along for the four-regattas-in-three-weeks siege.
I've definitely been feeling grumpy (though at least part of that is not getting
to race in any but the first one) and Rudder and T2 are both showing signs of
strain. By the time we got home last night, Rudder had a full-blown migraine and
was telling me that if he said to pull over to the side of the road, I should do
so immediately. He used to get bad headaches after a lot of our regattas,
but hasn't this year; he probably didn't have enough to eat or drink yesterday,
and I know they rowed even harder than in the previous races. The other guy who
went along doesn't seem to be stressed, or maybe I just don't know him well enough
to tell. He's a former Nationals champion, so maybe he's more used to the
pace.
Now that this is all done, I need to get back on track, working
on my book project and applying for jobs every single day (I have been applying,
but just a few times a week). I've been a bit of a sloth the past few weeks,
working on beading and stitching projects but otherwise mostly just getting ready
for each trip. It's time now to get back to "normal", and, with luck, back to
work. Though I'm sure that when that happens, I will miss having time and energy
at my disposal, even while I'm enjoying having money again.
href="http://www.concept2.com">Concept II has posted a challenge for the
holiday season: to do 200,000 meters on the erg between Thanksgiving and
Christmas. I did the math, and this comes out to an average of 6060 meters a day.
That equates to torture as far as I'm concerned, but both Rudder and Egret are
talking about tackling it, and if they do, I will feel obliged to at least try.
I'm putting all the peer pressure on myself, sadly; neither of them has so much as
hinted the thought that I really should be erging more anyway. Even if I get a
job, I can't use it as an excuse, since both of them are working. Also, I admit to
a hint of curiosity as to what I'd look and feel like at the end of the month, if
I did do it. The prize for succeeding is negligible, but even if I don't make the
goal, the attempt will be good for me. *sigh*
I have also figured out
why not getting to row or even cox in this past weekend's race bothers me so much.
Last week's race, where no one from my group raced except for Rudder and T2,
didn't bother me much; after all, I could have chosen to race a single or tried to
talk someone into doing a double with me. This last week, however, we sent eights,
and the lineups were chosen by DI. When I got laid off, over three months ago, it
left a big hole in my life. One thing I did still have was rowing, and that got me
out of the house, dealing with other people, and with responsibilities to live up
to. As a result, rowing has probably assumed a greater importance in my life than
it would have had I been putting most of my time into a job. So when I was left
out, not only of the rowing lineup, but even out of a coxing slot, it was as if DI
had said, "Not only are you not good enough to keep a job, you're not good enough
to row when it matters. You're not even good enough to just steer the boat." Even
though I know that my layoff was no reflection on my own competence -- even though
I think DI has the mature judgment of a rabid rodent -- even though everyone else
my size also got left out of the lineup, that still stings.
But now
it's over, and I'm leaving DI's program, and I need to just concentrate on getting
employed again, and get past it. Still though, the mere sight of DI can make me
daydream more than any other man. Only in his case, the fantasies involve poison
darts and small backpack-mounted missiles, or at least a swift kick.