August 06, 2002

googles and gametes

Along with the usual googles for "dichroic" and for songs and books I've written
about, I've gotten two recently that are worth mentioning. One surprised me only
becuase it is so antithetical to everything I think and do and say and am. I had
written about the awful "music" they sometimes play at my gym, quoting from a song
about 'real women and real men'. I got googles for that line, which is a bit scary
because I had thought fans of that music would only be able to tolerate it by
litening to the catchy tune and ignoring the lyrics.

An even more
interesting hit was for the phrase "my brain doesn't work after a shower". Now
there are quite a lot of times when my brain doesn't work well, but after a shower
isn't one of them. I often come out of the shower with ideas to solve a problem
I've been working on. It's true, though, that my brain doesn't work well before a
shower, especially if I've just woken up.

I also got a hit for "I am
fire" Actually, as I've written, I am more href="">water, but that was for this
specific poem. I still think
it's one of my better ones, even by Joan Houlihan's standards. I like the internal rhymes,
assonances, and references (I'm especially proud of Yahwist/burning bush). Though
I also still think the last line is weak.

After my href="">bored entry the other day,
I keep finding myself thinking that maybe I was right, maybe I should have a baby.
Since I do have a tendency to internalize everything I read (just ask Rudder -- I
know I treat him differently depending on whether I'm reading something warm and
cuddle or cold and intellectual or unpleasant and off-putting), href="">all href="">of href="">the href="">diaries and emails I've read lately from
people who are or want to be pregnant have definitely had an effect there. I'm a
bit old for it (35) but as far as I know have no health problems that would make
it hard to conceive. (If what I were reading were statistically accurate, I'd be
thinking more women had PCOS than not. I suspect it's just that people who have
problems are the ones who need to write about them.) I've always been ambivalent
on the matter, though, and much of my reason for wanting one is the idea of having
something to look forward to plus the fear of missing out on something important.
Rudder, though he likes kids and would be a grewat father, says he doesn't want
one, but that seems to be mostly a matter of fear -- fear of what I'd be like
pregnant, and fear of change to a lifestyle he likes perfectly well as it is. I'm
not crazy about my current lifestyle in some ways, but much for the problem there
is the constant business and having a kid would make that even worse. The 'pro'
reasons aren't strong enough to rationally overcome the 'cons', and I've never
really had the sort of strong emotional need for a baby that would sweep away all
the rational opposition. Also, for every time I've thought, "this would be fun to
do with a kid (hiking, climbing, flying), there have been times I've thought,
"Thank goodness we don't have a kid" (when I feel like crap and am glad not to
have to deal with a crying baby or also-sick cranky child). I think we'd be all
right as parents, but it's only right to consider what we'd owe to any child we
brought into the world -- not just to be brought up according to our best efforts
but to be wanted, yearned for, and dreamed over. Some of those things would kick
in when hypothesis became reality, I'm sure, but would it be

Probably not. We need nieces and nephews, blood or honorary,
that's what we need. So the rest of you out there, who do want pups of your own,
get busy. I'll baby-sit.

Posted by dichroic at August 6, 2002 10:17 AM
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