September 04, 2002

to every thing....

Last night I recited some of my I-want list to Rudder -- all of it I could
remember, laying there in bed, which is the only place we seem to have that sort
of discussion. (Unfortunate, since it cuts into sleep time, and not very nice of
me, since he had to get up at 4 to row while I only had to get up at 5 for the
gym. But he always falls asleep while I'm still talking, so it balances out.) His
comment: "It's surprising how many of those are mutually exclusive."

Well, yeah. If they weren't mutually exclusive, they'd be possible (some of them -
- I'd also like to be able to fly like Superman, and row like Steve Redgrave, but
those weren't on last night's list). And if they were possible, I could go get
them. I've already gotten many of the things (material and otherwise) I wanted,
and I am grateful. There are some few things I want (e.g. new living room
furniture without a depleted savings account) that are possible with some planning
, an that's good too. It gives me something to look forward to plus somehting
unattainable to yearn for, and what's a life without both of those?

I am out of joint with my time, though. I have no problem with wanting things and
experiences; I'm resigned to being materialistic as far as daily comfort is
concerned, and in some insteances, wanting is related to yearning, which, as I've
said, is an important part of being human. It's the first spur to growth. But this
isn't the time for that. September has felt like less of a new year for me since I
haven't had the start of school as a built-in reminder. It is a new year, though,
in the Jewish liturgy, and these few weeks before it are meant to be dedicated to
study and contemplation, as the time between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur is
dedicated to repentance. (See href=""Baraita's recent sermon for a better and
fuller perspective.) I am not terribly observant, as is clearly shown by the
decade or so since I've attended a synagogue service, but both the Torah and Jimmy
Buffet(*) say it's a good thing to stop and think every year or so, and when you
get advice from sources that disparate, you know it's probably got some universal
value. It's a time to turn back, to turn inward, before plunging into another
year, a time for resolving to be a better person, instead of just a more fit one
or a more diligent one as typical January resolutions would have it.

*In both When the Coast is Clear:

That's when it always happens

Same time every year

I come down to talk to me

When the coast is clear

and Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes:

I took off for a weekend last month

Just to try and recall the whole year.

All of the faces and all of the places,

wonderin' where they all disappeared.

Posted by dichroic at September 4, 2002 04:59 PM
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