(Part I is here.)
We spent a lot of the rest of college together too, even when we weren't officially "on" as a couple. We were pretty much best friends except during that first painful breakup. After the last breakup, the one after we were out of school (the one where we probably do remember it differently), we got out of touch for a while, but we do e-mail each other these days.
The reason I'm writing about this, besides the sweet memories a song brought up and the fact that everyone seems to be doing it for Valentine's Day, is that the whole experience opened my world -- not the falling in love part, but the boy himself. I know I had an effect on him -- it was his First Love too -- but not, I think, as profound as the one he had on me. He introduced me to the music I still listen to, as you can tell from the music that got this reflection started. He and his family showed me a whole new way to live. They lived in a much bigger space than my family did, not just physically (they were much richer) but metaphorically too. They traveled the world. When something needed to be built or changed or bought, they did it instead of doing without and just complaining about the lack. The boy went places too, without dithering about it, built shelves into his room in the student apartment (his roommate built an entire loft into his room), drove distances casually that my parents would consider an expedition. His parents were probably not thrilled about me (not Catholic, poor (to them) family) but they accepted me comfortably, fed me whenever I was around, didn't even seem to mind my sleeping over. (My parents would've plotzed!)
The "in love" part was a learning experience too, and certainly my relationship with Rudder grew more easily because I'd gotten some of the learning (of what not to do) out of the way already. He's been married for years now too, and seems happy -- I hope his practice with and on me helped there too.
So I'm glad it all happened; the only thing I'd change is that I wish we'd ended it a bit more conclusively after about the second breakup, when it would have been easier to end the romance without interrupting the friendship. I treated a couple of other people badly by running back to the First Boy at the wrong times, and I regret that. That pales, though, compared to how much I'd have to regret if it all hadn't happened.
Posted by dichroic at February 13, 2003 01:37 PM