March 24, 2004

need to slow down

I wish I hadn't done that shopping binge on Sunday. It's not that I don't like the
stuff I bought -- I can even justify (most of) it. (And did I mention href="http://dichroic.diaryland.com/mwah.html">that skirt was on sale for
under $20? That's especially gratifying because I remember trying it on and
liking it last summer at full price, almost enough to buy it then. Score one for
me. But I digress.) It's just that I did too much of it, and it left me tired
going into the week. I did it partly because I feel cheated if I don't get some
fun into my weekend, and partly because Rudder was gone, but those aren't really
sufficient reasons, at least not for spending a whole day in the mall.

This is one way in which marriage has been bad for me, I think. I'm
used to having Rudder around. I do get a little antsy if I spend a whole day
without at least getting out of the house, but if I can satisfy that wish, we can
spend a day doing minor errands or nothing much and I count it as time together.
I've never been particularly afraid of my own company, but somehow it feels as if
to be having fun on my own I have to crank it up a notch. I'm feeling unrecharged
now just because on Sunday when I had the time I didn't spend more time reading,
creating, making music, or otherwise vegetating.

It's not really
entirely accurate to say I can spend a lot of time alone, though. I don't really
spend very much time without other people around; the only difference is that
sometimes they're made of flesh and they live in houses and sometimes they're made
of ideas and they live in books and sometimes they're made of electrons and they
live on computers :-)

I do enjoy the occasional hiking or shopping
solo, though those are fun with company in a different way.

My other
problem is that I've added that What i'm Reading field above and it's getting
downright embarassing having the same thing listed there day after. It's
not that anyone else cares, I know, just that I'm used to thinking of myself as a
book-a-day girl (or more) unless it's something unusually dense. Time is the
problem; last night I got home at 6:30, had to be in bed by 8 because of rowing
this morning, and had to sort mail, make dinner, eat, wash up, check emails, pack
clothes for today, take out the recyclables, pet the cats, pack clothing for
today, wash, brush, floss .... I should note that this is not made up for with
extra time in the morning; I get up, throw on workout gear, and go. You can see
why my reading time is less than I'd like, and why relaxation on weekends is so
necessary.

This weekend I go collect Rudder, but before that I'm
going to find something quiet and rejuvenating to do. I may even write a letter or
two on real paper to someone who would appreciate it.

(Caveat: Of
course, this in no way means I'm planning to cancel my plans for a massage and
some solo sushi tonight!)

Posted by dichroic at March 24, 2004 04:59 PM
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