It was just brought to my attention that Arabella Keneally, an early “feminist” (in more or less the way Phyllis Schlafly and Sarah Palin are feminists) wrote a cautionary tale about “the menopausal vampire”. I can’t help but think that would have been far better as a fantasy novel:

The menopausal vampire only sparkles when she damn well feels like it (or sometimes during a hot flash, but those are more like sparks).

The menopausal vampire doesn’t bite young people because she knows they already think they’re immortal. She bites old people, who thank her for it.

The menopausal vampire looks good in black.

The menopausal vampire has a cape with a hood, to combat bad hair days.

The menopausal vampire sometimes bites anyone who crosses her path, because some days are like that.

The menopausal vampire gets day sweats.

The menopausal vampire really wishes she’d been bitten five years earlier or later. She worries that she’ll be like this forever now.

What else?