Still not convinced I’ve actually done my grieving on the whole dad thing. I just have this feeling someday I’m going to be ambushed by a major sobfest, because I atill haven’t done that and it seems wrong not to. On the other hand, given that I’ve seen him maaaaybe one week in a year in the last two decades and rarely talked much on the phone because he didn’t like to, it honestly doesn’t feel much different. I mean, I can still remember him, talk to him and know what he would say, and talk to Mom about him, same as I could have done five weeks or a year or ten years ago. I feel much worse thinking about what the the whole period of health issues was like for him, or what life is like for Mom now (because I know how big a hole Ted would leave in my life) than I do in thinking about my own bereavement. I suppose grief does what it wants – or as Dad would say “We’ll see what’ll be.”

Meanwhile my SIL’s birthday is coming up and she’s not that much easier to buy for than he was, so I don’t even miss the annual June rituals of buying Father’s Day and birthday gifts for someone who doesn’t seem to need much. (At least she’s got a new house, so there’s always relevant gift certificates.) I could do with less Father’s Day advertising, though.

Mom’s getting ready for her move next week – getting stressed out and pre-nostalgic about leaving the house where she’s spent all of her adult life. She’s looking forward to having people around her, though, and being in a place where every single thing isn’t a memory of Dad. I mean, it’s not just furniture – it’s the adjustable mattress they got because he liked soft mattresses and she liked firm ones, and the nightstands they got when they were first married, and the sectional sofa she got so he could nap and she’d still have room to sit. And every single thing in the house is like that. It’s not like she’ll move and forget him, but a few less reminders would be nice.

Last week I flew out to Providence Wednesday, got up early Thursday (6 local, 3 Pacific time), gave a speech, then flew home. To be honest I was most worried about the drive to and from the airport, but both went fairly smoothly. I think the speech went well; one of the arrangers seemed surprised when I told him afterwards it was the first time I’d spoken about my book, so that’s good. I’m still a bit boggled by how much they paid for 2 hours of my time (airfare, hotel, books for all their members). All I need is for people to pay twice as much (so I could have an honorarium) and book me every week and I’d be set.

And otherwise, life goes as it goes. Stuff has happened, but most of it just doesn’t seem exciting to write about. Last week we went to the lake house, and got to row and kayak both. Right before that our 16-month-old washer died, and was going to cost almost as much to fix as a new one. So Sunday after returning we went shopping and bought a new one (again a top-loader high efficiency, but this time not a Whirlpool) that will be delivered this weekend. We also fired our cleaning service this week, after it became clear that they hadn’t vacuumed the living room carpet at all, or the area under Ted’s desk that had furballs so big I think it was breeding whole new cats. We’d complained a couple of times about the rug not being done well, so this time we just told this service to stop coming, and the other one we’d gotten a quote from to start in two weeks.

Next week we’re holding a knitting retreat at the lake house – the Black Sheep Gathering is only 20-30 minutes from the house, so I invited people from my local knitting group to come bunk with us. We’ve got the spare room queen bed, a futon with a comfortable spring mattress, an inflatable double bed, a thick foam memory foam pad we got because our Taiwan spare bed was rock hard (we slept on it at Christmas – it’s comfortable even on a bare floor) and an unfolding chair. We have plenty of sofa space inside; might be a bit short on dining chairs inside and out but we’ll manage. We’ve told people that we’ll supply burgers (beef and veggie versions) and hotdogs for Saturday dinner and they can bring sidedishes and their own breakfast stuff. This will be the first time we’ve really had a gathering there other than family; we’d like to eventually have big open-house parties and rowing gatherings there, so this is a first trial.

And you know, just stuff. Life in general. Maybe I need to start writing more often just to get in the habit of telling a continuous story. Now whenever I do blog I feel like I’m boring myself; maybe it’s because it’s such a discontinuous narrative so everything has to be explained. The other problem is having to explain everything at once because updates are rare; that doesn’t help. Or doing multiple entries, one topic per.