A while back, someone writing about the supposed “unreasonable sensitivity” of some American people of color came up with a great analogy; Suppose someone punches you on the arm, lightly and jokingly. It doesn’t hurt, right? It’s just a joke. But now suppose someone does it again in the same spot, 30 seconds later. And again, after a minute. And again, and again, and again. An hour later, you’ve got a bruise. After a while, it begins to really hurt. And the next time someone punches you in that same exact spot, you either curl up weeping or lash out and hit back hard, and they wonder why you’re so sensitive all of a sudden. It was just a joke, right?
A woman at work has recently acquired the task of doing some scheduling for one of our upper managers, and my boss remarked with much bewilderment that he didn’t understand why she’d commented that he’d hurt her feelings after he said she’s been acting as the VIP’s secretary.
Now, I’m not allowed to malign secretaries, whether they’re called that or administrative assistants. My mom is an admin. Not being stupid, it’s long been obvious to me that a good admin can make your life at work much easier and more pleasant, or very much the opposite. Futhermore, a good admin has to know more than anyone else about how things work in the office and how to keep them working smoothly. To be a good admin, you need a lot of common sense, a strong work ethic, very good language and communication skills, good organizational skills, and a certain amount of empathy. (In fact, exactly the same skills you need to be a good team lead or low-level manager, just with a bit less technical or business knowledge.)
On the other hand, my mom’s been an admin at a mental-health facility for a long time; that doesn’t make her a psychiatrist, though she probably knows more about the field than anyone who hasn’t worked in it. I’d bet a woman who had worked to get a BS, MD, and PHD and then built experience in a grueling field wouldn’t take kindly to being told to make meeting notes just because of her gender, on the presumption that she must be the secretary.
My boss seemed surprised when I said I’d have been offended called a secreatary too. I tried to explain why the history matters, why even now when women no longer have only the choice to be a secreatary, nurse, or teacher, a professional woman (in my coworker’s case, one who had been the highest-ranking technical woman in a country with a very male-dominant culture (not Taiwan)) might not appreciate being called a secretary.
He still seemed puzzled, so I used the arm-punch metaphor to explain why it was likely to bother this particular co-worker (or me) more than it would bother one of the guys. I think it got through to him.
Note: no disparagement was intended. My boss is a good guy. Said co-worker is reasonably assertive when she needs to be. She told him it upset her, he apologized, and was upset himself that he’d hurt her feelings.
Once upon a time, young (male) business professionals began their careers as secretaries to successful older businessmen or politicians, and young engineers began as drafters for older ones. Aside from the gender limitations at that time, it’s not a bad system. People at the top would get well-educated, bright assistants, and new grads would get real-world experience. Administrative jobs would become stepping-stones and all that acumen really good assitants develop would get to be used on a wider stage. One company I worked did tap up-and-coming managers to spend a year as assistant to the President – of one branch of a worldwide Fortune 500 company. It was a rotating position, meant to groom future execs. Seems like a good idea to me.
Second note: none of the above applies if the job title is actually something like Secretary of State.