Bit of a discouraging day here. I signed the contract for my Neherlands employment today so I’m feeling a bit trapped – though technically I suppose I could get out of it any time before they pay out money and even afterward, all it says is that I have to give a month’s notice and that if I leave before a year I have to pay back the relocation allowance. (Not the moving costs, just a lump sum payment they give me for any extra expenses of moving. I feel like it’s free money, and if I leave early I have no problem returning that.)
But still, it’s official now.
It’s not helping that this evening, after signing the contract, I found that the HEMA doesn’t have the pretzels I liked (possibly their only edged out for the moment by Sinterklaas and Christmas treats) and that the organic grocery which had similar pretzels and which was the only place we found real popcorn here is gone. (Any one who’s been reading here a while will remember the Great Popcorn Search of 2006-2007.)
I did pull out my navel piercing, and now there’s a hole there – my previous referent was the much smaller pinpoint holes in my ears. I suppose it will heal up eventually, though. It’s still a bit sore, so I’ll use salt-water soaks.
On the plus side I have a small bottle of wine I bought my first day and won’t be able to take with me. It’s not great wine, but it’s as good as half of the stuff we get in Taiwan. Good cheap wine is definitely one of the benefits here, and so is being able to buy 0.25 liter bottles of it.
I sure hope this move isn’t a mistake.
ETA: One more positive thing: I have to catch a train around 9:15 to Amsterdam, and the hotel gym doesn’t open until 11 – but apparently the hotel reception can let me in there earlier.
And one more disappointment: I just went to check the exact time to catch the train and learned that I can only train to Utrecht, then have to take a bus the rest of the way – they must be working on the tracks. Crap. (Or I suppose I could drive and return the car there instead of here, but I’m not crazy about that idea either.) Crap again.
Doubts are very natural. Especially after finding some things changed, things of comfort and fun.
If I might venture a guess, I’d say most of your uneasy sadness is from missing Ted and your uncle. It would be very hard NOT to feel lonely and far from home right now. Do a lot of self-comfort and know you are loved. ~LA
If it’s any consolation, I’m at the moment somewhat wistful about not having developed the skills/experience that would enable me to work overseas for a year.
Or, put another way, there are a whole lot of right decisions you’ve made over the years – odds are that this one will be among them.