where has all the editing gone?

I have complained before about you pesky kids running on my lawn a noticeable lack of editing in some recent books, including not only self-published ones but also some from bigger publishing houses (to be fair, I have also seen self-published books whose editing I didn’t notice at all, which as far as I can tell is the sign that it’s been done right). Now apparently news media are having the same problem, as witness this piece of evidence: an article about rowing in my old stomping grounds, written by a junior (high school-aged) rower.

I want to make it clear up front, I think the young writer did a good job. He debunked some commonly-held ideas about rowing, got quotes form several local rowers, did some research, and provided information about several of the local programs. The kid also writes fairly well. But there’s a reason that even professional writers need editors. So that I don’t have to repeat myself, please assume that any issue I mention is the sort of thing I think any writer could do. The thing is, in the byline the kid is listed as an “independent correspondent”, but the editor’s note says that he is participating in the Independent Newsmedia’s intern program. In a program like that, I’d expect there to be some professional journalists/editors working closely with the kid to teach him about good journalism.

I’m not going to do a close reading and pick apart the article; that’s not fair to the writer and wouldn’t be much fun for me either. I’ll just provide a few examples. The first thing I noticed was the odd and awkward use of punctuation: nothing really wrong, just minor infelicities. The second and third paragraphs are:

Each year, since the lake opened in 1999, more and more athletes of all ages from all over the Valley have come to participate in the sport.

Traditionally, rowing has been a mainstay in cities “like Boston or Seattle when the entire city will turn out for regattas (rowing competitions) like the Head of the Charles or the Windermere Cup,” said Phoenix resident Trevor Day.

Like I said, nothing really wrong with it, but it would flow better without that initial comma and would be easier to grasp at first glance without starting the quote in the middle of a sentence. Fine, no big problem, and those are arguable. However, misspelling the name of the Rio Salado Rowing Club (as Rio Solado) is more than slightly careless, given that the club is named after a major landmark of the area, the dry river that flows through Tempe. (If you’re wondering how anyone can row on a dry river, the Salt River has water only seasonally. Tempe Town Lake was formed by placing two inflatable (yes, really) dams in the riverbed, then using the local canal system to fill up the river between the dams. The hope was originally to end up with something like San Antonio’s Riverwalk, though it didn’t quite end up that way.)

And then there’s the writing – again, I can imagine anyone writing this in a first draft, but the article begins “The sport of rowing has come from the waters of Charles River and the draperies lining Ivy League hallways to Tempe Town Lake.” Um, I went to one-a them Ivy schools, and I can tell you that not too many people row in the hallways there. The oars would get caught in the draperies, at least if the hallways tended to have any.

The article’s arrangement could be better, and it would help to tell us who the people are who are being quoted, and why we should assume they know anything about rowing. (I don’t recognize any of the names, but then I’ve been away 6 years. I’d guess they’re just other junior rowers, but it would be unfair to make that assumption.)

I’ll give the writer credit for mentioning the existence of programs for people beyond college-age – that probably did come from the writer, because rowers there all know that but newspapers are too likely to want to focus only on junior programs. I’d like to have seen contact information for people who’d like to try rowing: a news site trying to serve the local community should certainly provide that.

The research isn’t actually wrong anywhere that I can spot, but “The sport has begun to really take hold, as rowers have represented Arizona in both national and international competition,” certainly gives the impression that those things are recent. The lake opened in 1999; rowers in local programs competed at across the US from the beginning. There might be earlier examples, but I know I was in a women’s eight that competed in the Head of the Charles, the biggest rowing event in the US, in 2001. Individuals have gone to international events for a long time too; several of us (OK, not me, but Ted and others) competed in the World Masters Games in 2005. At least one local rower, a former Olympian, has been going to the FISA Masters every year for a long time. (The FISA Masters is essentially the world cup for masters rowers; World Masters is kind of like an old people’s Olympics – it has lots of different sports for masters athletes. In rowing, “masters” are rowers above 27, and there are handicaps for age. I’ve seen rowers in their 90s competing. They win a lot.) However, that’s actually the kind of misimpression that is common in newspaper articles on any very specialized topic, so maybe that’s not evidence of especially bad editing here.

It just bothers me, because I think this kid is already a decent writer, with potential to become a lot better. I hope someone along the way helps him reach his potential and get better than “decent”.