Catching up with Bear’s post on why women react so strongly to even “minor” harassment has triggered me to think that there may be another reason I want to hang out and not go anywhere much this weekend. The thought I’ve been aware of and trying to ignore all week is that this trip is probably the most dangerous thing I’ll do all year. Rowing in a tippy single when it’s near-freezing is nothing to this.
I am in Japan to train a new employee of my company’s. I’m the logical person to do it, as I was covering some of the responsibilities of his position for the last year, until we could hire someone local. I’m also one of the people most familiar with the processes he needs to learn about. We’ve been joined at the hip all week, at work and in the evenings afterward. And here’s the thing: I didn’t know this guy until Monday. No one at the company knew him until the hiring process commenced. Of course he has a stellar resume, but so do lots of men you wouldn’t want to be alone with. He’s just moved to this city and his wife and kids are staying in Tokyo for a bit, and also I’m supposed to be not only training him but developing aclose working relationship, so we’ve had dinner together most days except Monday (I was too jetlagged) and today (tired after travel and used it as an excuse to get some alone time, since it’s been a talkative and busy week). Yesterday we traveled to another city and stayed in the same hotel, and went to dinner there in a tiny restaurant on a dark street.
Now, I’m not saying anything against this guy in particular. I like and respect what I’ve seen of him so far. As far as I can tell, he’s smart, has integrity and will be a good addition to our team. He listens intently to what I say and has treated me no different than male colleagues except for a greater tendency to insist he’s the host and should buy lunch (he did let me pay for a couple of meals after I not only argued but pointed out strongly that I will be reimbursed by the company) and to give me preference in seating on crowded trains. He’s been a kind and thoughtful guide to restaurants and in our travels. My instinct says he’s straight-up and trustworthy.
But what if my instincts were wrong? How could I know? No mutual acquaintances of more than a month’s duration. (No, wait, there is one he had some acquaintance with at a previous company, but they barely knew each other there.) Furthermore, we’re in his country, where I am very much a stranger who doesn’t understand how things work. If things went direly wrong, I think my company would believe me, but I don’t know what I could do to ensure allies at the local level. Of course my male boss doesn’t think this is a dangerous assignment or he wouldn’t have sent me. I don’t think it’s dangerous, either statistically or at the gut level. But other women will understand why that thought has lurked in the back of my brain all weekend. and why I didn’t make overtures to share activities over the weekend.