hold your ears a minute, please

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Election nerves.)

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YOP!!!

I’ve been following Pantsuit Nation today on Facebook. I only heard of it yesterday, apparently it was only founded a couple of weeks ago, and now it feels like all my female friends are in there.

If anyone remembers Horton Hears a Who, it sort of feels like we’ve been shouting “We are here, we are here, we are here, we are here!” and today on Facebook, on Pantsuit Nation and elsewhere on my feed, has been one giant, defiant YOP!

Here’s hoping.

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a wider view

Maybe from here on to the election I should just stick to posting quotes that touch me – I’ve been coming across a bunch lately, though not all of them work out of context. Tonight seems to be the night for thoughts on good and evil – I happened on these two in rapid suggestion (my erg book and my other book).

“Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.”
— Simone Weil, by way of Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project

This bit is just after Rabbi Small has explained that Jews don’t really believe in any afterlife (an oversimplification, but anyway).
“Then why bother to be good?” asked Mrs Lanigan.
“Because virtue really does carry its own reward and evil its own punishment. Because evil is always essentially small and petty and mean and depraved, and in a limited life it represents a portion wasted, misused and that can never be regained.”
— Harry Kemelman, Friday the Rabbi Slept Late

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venting, explosively

I have been trying hard to stay civil, throughout this whole election. It really does feel to me like this is something way out of the extraordinary and yet some knowledge of history tells me it may not be. The election of 1800 had even uglier rhetoric (even Trump hasn’t called anyone a “hideous hermaphroditic creature”) and I’m not convinced that some of our past politicians were not equally lacking in principle. Fanny Trollope, writing of America, and Anna Sewell (Black Beauty) and Emily Eden (in The semi-Attached Couple) writing of England all show elections in which the only principle was that your guy was great, the other guy was awful, and getting votes by any means was all that mattered.

Still, this is at least unlike anything I’ve seen, and I’m tired of being civil. I won’t say I’m done with it, because I think civility is a public duty, but I’m taking a short break, here in my own personal blog. Then I’ll go back to being good, at least in public.

There’s going to be frothing at the mouth here, or at least at the fingertips. I’m just venting. Read it for entertainment or click through and read something more useful. You’ve been warned.

And I just want to say, what the hell are you Trump voters thinking? Or are you thinking at all? How can you believe it’s right to make any decision in complete disregard of the facts?

Even though he doesn’t show much proof of it, Trump is a human being. Therefore, I think, he deserves a few basic courtesies: I will call him by his name, and I will judge him by his own words and actions, not by what his enemies want me to believe.

But good jumping gravy, his own words are all I need to see that the man is a walking quagmire. He denies on Tuesday what he said – in print or on recording – on Monday. He knows nothing about how government words or what the President of the US can actually do. He praises rapists and scam artists. He lets the voices of hatred and violence speak at his rallies and not only doesn’t try to silence them, he eggs them on.

There’s the guy I know from college who tells me he knows Trump is awful, but when you have rats in your house you just want them out and you don’t even care about the ratcatcher’s failings. Well, first of all, dude, you’re wrong about the rats. Sure, the US has major problems – but it’s a better place now than it was eight years ago. We have some issues we weren’t talking about then, but they’re not new, just out in the open. We still have lots of old problems too, like racism and sexism, but there’s no way any sane person can believe Trump will make those better. The one issue I can think of that’s really worse than it was any time in the last hundred years is income inequality, and Trump’s absolutely the last person to want to change that. And really, dude, you’re a Jew and a father. Do you really think they’ll come for the Muslims tomorrow and not come for you the day after? Are you going to be comfortable with a world in which your daughter is told to just leave her job if she gets harassed?

There’s the guy at work who talks a lot about his church and his religion. Dude, you’ve got daughters too, and you’ve worked hard to raise them and your son with a sense of all their possibilities – you want that shut down? You want young buys encouraged to think it’s OK to grab one of your daughters by a random body part, because she’s just there for entertainment? You’ve already got your daughters in a special group because Girl Scouts are too liberal for you; you can’t claim innocence when one of your kids’ friends commits suicide because she’s gay and she’s afraid her friends and family won’t accept her. Those aren’t Christian values, not if you interpret that phrase to mean “bearing any remote resemblance to what Jesus said and did”. And quit listening to that fringe “news”, anyway, because they’ll say anything to get you riled up. Hillary is not going to take your guns away, though she might work put in a few restrictions to make it harder for criminals to get them. You know how I know she’s not? Because, for one thing, she’s a pragmatist and knows how Americans would react, and for another she does know what the President can and cannot do.

And the rest of you: I’m not accusing you of racism, sexism and all that. Frankly I don’t give a shit what you believe or what prejudices you have; I just care how you act. And you are now supporting someone who is racist, sexist, and not only has no integrity but doesn’t understand what honor is even for.

Quit telling me Hillary is worse. I don’t want to hear it, unless you come with actual data or a citation from a believeable source – you can tell those because they point to real data. Wikileaks doesn’t count as a real source, by the way – and I think it’s just funny that anytime I’ve seen actual content of any of those emails, they havn’t been bad at all. (I haven’t seen many of them but I’ll bet the rest are similarly innocuous. You know how I can tell? Because Hillary’s campaign itself called on the FBI to release them all – which, I note, they haven’t done.)

Mostly, quit telling me anyfuckingthing at all unless you can back it up with facts. You can have your opinion, but try to base it on reality, just for a change.

Oh, while I’m at it, I’m sick of fringe news on both sides. Quit telling me “This new thing will DESTROY Trump!” or “Hillary’s going to jail now!” because you and I both know you’re babbling utter bullshit. Let me give you a definition: “breaking news” is meant to mean “new information coming out now”; it was never intended to mean “completely ignore this headline because this story is either old news, a complete exaggeration, or unimportant trivia”. You’re not going to be able to keep a news outlet going in the long run if you just train people not to believe anything you say; that is the exact opposite of what news is supposed to do.

I feel a little better for having all that off my chest. I promise, I’ll go back to civility now.

ETA: One more thing (though I’ll keep this civil). “Make America Great Again”? A country that is great for only a small part of its populace is not a great country. I’m feeling this at present because I’m listening to the audiobook version of “Friday the Rabbi Slept Late”. It portrays a social setting not too unlike the one I grew up in, just a little more prosperous, just a few years before I was born – right around the time my parents got married. I have reason to think it’s a reasonably faithful portrayal. The thing I didn’t notice when I last read this book, probably in my teens, is how hellish it would be to live in, as a woman. Such limited expectations, so little hope, so few ways to escape. Ick.

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Are you better off now?

An election-year question: Just out of curiosity, and I’m especially aiming this question to people living in the US: Would you say that you are better off than you were 8 years ago, or worse? Would you say that the US is better or worse than it was then? I’m not interested in assigning credit or blame either way, just curious as to the actual situation.

I’m curious, because the closest to a rational reason I’ve heard for supporting Trump is along the lines fo “yes, he’s awful – but the US is in terrible shape, falling apart, and if he can just fix that then we can put up with the rest of it.” I don’t thinl the ‘rest of it’ is forgiveable and I haven’t yet figured out why anyone would trust Trump to fix anything, but the weirdest thing is that it looks to me like that entire basic postulate is wrong. Far from being in a handbasket on the fast lane to Hell, it looks to me like the US is better than it was when Obama took office.

I myself am not better off for a complex set of reasons (see below), but I’m under the impression most people actually are – curious to see if others agree.

My own situation:
I’m not better off economically because 8 years ago I was an expat, pretty much protected from layoffs and with my housing, utility and fuel bills paid for. I had no debt at all, so pretty much my only non-discretionary expense was food – and saving to compensate for not putting money into Social Security in those years. But that’s a freaky and unusual (and temporary!) situation – I’d guess most people are more positively impacted by the improved economy.

I think we’ve come a very long way in a short time on civil rights. I’m not directly affected much because I’m a cis het white woman, so while it’s good for me to have e.g. three women on the Supreme Court, I was already able to marry who I wanted or use the correct restroom. I do not think the problem with violence against minorities by law enforcement has worsened, I think it’s that many more of us have realized how bad it actually is. At least we’re having the discussion, even if we’re too rarely able to make it a productive discussion. So since I’m white, that’s not a direct impact either. Nonetheless, all of those things impact me indirectly, because they make the US a better place in general and specifically for a lot of people I care about.

I have decent healthcare just at the moment, but as I plan ahead for retirement, it makes a huge difference to me if we have at least Obamacare and at best a single-payer system. If we lose what we have now, retirement will be further off just because of that one (massive) cost to plan for. So again, I’m not better off now, but many others are, and it will impact me directly someday – just not yet.

How about you?

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I can’t crochet, but I can crotchet with the best of them

In less than half a year now, I’ll be entering my sixth decade, and I have figured out what I want for a birthday gift. (Aside from world peach. I would always like world peace for a present, but it seems safe to assume that’s not happening this year.) I want people to never refer to me as “50 years young” – or 60, 70, 80, whatever it is at the time. I hope to continue feeling younger than our conception of fifty is (or 60, 70, 80 – just assume for the sake of brevity that I’m including all the future ages I hope to achieve) because I’m already feeling enough of the chill breeze of middle age to understand that the storms of old age are not for the fainthearted. On the other hand, I’ve earned my experience, every bit of it. Even just on a physical basis, I can do things right now that I couldn’t do at 20; I erged 30 km over this past weekend, I hardly ever get sick any more, and if the 5-gallon bottle on the water cooler needs replacing I can do it. I’m 49 and 7/12 years old, dammit, and I have no wish to diminish that or to subscribe to the assumption that only youth has value.

While I’m ranting, don’t include me in a group you refer to as “the lovely ladies”. I’m as susceptible to a (respectful) comment on my achievements, skills or even looks as the next person, but only if you’re really complimenting me for some quality that really exists. (Complimenting a group is fine too – when you know who’s in the group and are speaking of a shared achievement or specific quality common to the group.) When you just slap on the adjectives on the theory that all women love compliments no matter how empty, and that compliments on our looks trump any others, I just feel I’ve been slimed.

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catch-up compendium

Oops, yup, way too long since I’ve updated. What’s been happening? Let’s see, last week I spent a couple of days in Houston. Unfortuntely I was there for only two nights, sans car, on the wrong side of town, so I didn’t get to meet up with any friends from when I lived there. However, it was a very good conference – the American Productivity and Quality Council’s annual Process Conference. I already have an idea to submit, to see if I can be a speaker there next year. (Spoiler: I like to say that business processes rest on a three-legged stool: they need to be documented, deployed and then monitored. If you miss one of those, the whole thing falls down – and I heard lots about the first and third of those at the conference, but not the second leg.)

Also, I’ve concluded that Houston is the ideal place for services like Uber and Lyft – because you can’t walk anywhere (no sidewalks, and usually too hot anyway) and there’s no mass transit system. I’ve had the Uber app on my phone a while but never used it before, but I used it twice that trip, including to get back to my hotel from a restaurant that’s in a complex literally visible from the hotel but on the other side of the highway, with no safe way across on foot. (I got there on the hotel shuttle, but it was busy when I wanted to come back.) I also used Uber the next morning, when I wanted to get to my conference before User started running. It did work very well, both times.

I also realized, somewhere in the last several days, that I made a mistake in my workout plan. I’m doing a marathon training plan to get in shape for and complete the Concept 2 Holiday Challenge – I’ve done this for the last couple of years because it worked out so well – last year I was in about the 4th of 6 cycles during the Challenge, and got enough meters to let me finish early. However, this year I started too early, with the result that if I keep on it, I would finish the plan, all but the 2-week pre-race taper, right around Christmas. I just wanted to build up a little extra distance – I didn’t want to actually do a marathon! Those are no fun. That has me erging 80K the week before Christmas. And the worst part is, I did this to myself.

So the alternatives at this point are,
1) Slack off – stick with the rough idea of the plan but shorten the longest workouts. In particular, never do more than a half marathon (the plan calls for a couple of 25-30km workouts), or
2) Stay with it, suck it up, and then do an indoor marathon just for the hell of it – maybe do a couple weeks taper after Xmas, then do the marathon while watching the Superbowl. (May not work because I’m too slow; I don’t think the Superbowl stretches 4.5 hours.)
Oig.

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Conflicting bookery

Perhaps not the best combination: reading Vera Brittain’s Testament of Youth while my workout audiobook is Connie Willis’s Blackput. Death and destruction in all directions 🙁

And I keep hearing the refrain, “For, Willie McBride, it all happened again, and again and again and again and again.”

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high-tech sleeping

Sleeping is getting way too high tech lately. Yesterday I had an especially hard workout – 11km, including a warm-up followed by 2 sets of 2km at aerobic threshold, then 3km at marathon pace. So I actually headed up to bed a little early, and slept until the alarm went off, unusually for me. (Usually if I have an alarm set, I’m beginning to wait up a quarter hour or so before it’s set to go off.

I’ve been playing with my electronics; here’s the current set-up: Bedtime is at 10, because we get up at 6 (actually a few minutes before, mostly because the old iPod was a little fast and by the time we realized it we were used to it). At 9:25, the bedside lamp comes on. At 9:30, my iPad dings a bedtime warning – the first few notes of a lullabye – and switches to a warmer shade of light. (I’m more likely to be mostly reading on the Kindle at that point, so I only notice when I go to check something on the iPad.) Somewhere between then and 10, I head upstairs and clean the litterbox, if it’s my turn.

Then it’s time for better living through chemistry: I brush my teeth with a toothpaste that makes them less sensitive, take a multivitamin and my one medication, wash my face, and brush my teeth again with a special prescription toothpaste that has lots of fluoride, and floss.

I get into bed and plug in my phone, Kindle and iPad. The light goes off at 9:55, so I have to turn it back on if I’m not in bed by then. I put a biteguard made of high-tech molded plastic in my mouth so I don’t wear down my teeth, because I tend to clench them in my sleep.

My fitness tracker keeps tabs on how well I sleep all night.

At about 5:55, my phone lights up and wakes me with a soft sound that gets louder untim I shut it off. I get up, check the fitness tracker app on my phone to see how well I slept because I’m curious, get up, take out my biteguard, and take off my fitness tracker, then shower and get ready for the day. (I could shower in the tracker but it seems like an unnecessary risk.)

It all seems like an awful lot of stuff to do just to sleep. So far, my main conclusions are:

1. I have been healthier since I started taking a multivitamin (Ted’s influence, back when we moved in, so that step is useful.
2. I know there are studies saying flossing doesn’t help, but my dentist seems happier when I go in if I’ve been doing it regularly – I mean, they like the condition of my teeth better – so that’s useful.
3. I don’t feel any better or worse when I take my thyroid meds, though the test numbers are better. Inconclusive.
4. I’ve just started having the light turn itself on and off, so I still haven’t decided if that’s helpful.
5. This morning, because of the heavy workout, I slept all the way until the alarm, and this soft one did indeed wake me more gently. Helpful.
6. Bedtime warning chime: I just started that too – it’s iOS10’s new Bedtime app, along with this soft alarm – but I think it will be good for getting to bed on time. That’s also what changes the iPad’s color; I’m not convinced it makes any difference.
7. The biteguard doesn’t keep me from clenching my teeth- so I can still wake up with a sore jaw, but at least it doesn’t harm my teeth.
8. When I track how well I sleep, it doesn’t really correlate at all with how well I think I’ve slept. Academically interesting, not terribly useful.

My Apple Watch arrived today; that means one more device to charge, but I probably won’t be wearing the fitness tracker any more, and likely won’t bother to put it on just to sleep. (I can’t wear the Watch to sleep, because it needs charging every night.) More on the Watch later, when I’ve had it longer than a couple of hours.

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the time before fear – and a very modern annoyance

The notes app I’ve been using for years, since I got my first iPhone, Fliq Notes does not seem to be playing well with iOS 10 – and as far as I can tell, they’re not supporting it for iPhones any more at all. I can open notes, but I can’t edit or even copy the text in them. Fortunately, the whole reason I was using that app instead of Apple’s own Notes was the fact that Notes didn’t let you sort items into folders, and that capability seems to have been added now. I am managing to port notes from one app to the other by going into each note I want to save, clicking the email button, copying the text in the email that comes up and then deleting the draft, then pasting it into the Notes app. (This is stuff I really need, anything from gift ideas for next holiday season to meal plans for the week to details of health issues I was trying to pin down to my Dutch social security number in case I ever need it again.)

The only fun part is coming across things I’d forgotten were there, like a poem I wrote last month in the Galapagos:

When Was the Time Before Fear?

Yesterday a sea lion
rested her head on my foot –
a sweet surprise but a small one,
here in these islands
where fear was never conceived.

How far back, I wonder
would you have to go
for that to happen
in places less remote?

Before there were billions of us?
Before there were millions?
Before the first hunters learned
that, banded together,
they were more formidable
than those who hunted them?
Before spears?
Before fire?

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