October 09, 2001

the empty pocket blues

Yesterday was so depressing. I called the maid service to cancel and picked up our
house keys from them. After riding my bike when rowing practice was canceled due
to lightning, I noticed that my gloves and my little under-the-seat bag were
coming apart, so I went to the nearest bike store to replace them. Once I realized
that the cheapest decent gloves were $25 and the bags started at about
$20, I left without buying anything. Also, my severance and vacation pay is
finally gone, so this week was the first time I'd had to tap into my savings

Now obviously, none of this constitutes deprivation. Not
only am I not worried about where the next meal is coming from, I still get to eat
out at least twice a week -- which is more than my parents could afford when I was
a child. I live in a nice house. I have clothes bursting out of my drawers and
closet. I don't lack for anything I need. The fact that I've gone two months
without touching my savings account is a good augur for how long the money will
last. But this was the first time I've really been hurt at all by being out of
work, and it was painful. Until now, the only major change had been just the plain
fact of not going to work everyday, and that hasn't been unpleasant at

It's frustrating, too, to have spent two months looking for work
and not finding anything. Like everyone else, I've become spoiled in the past few
years, when I could update a resume on Monsterboard on Friday and get four calls
about it by Monday. I like to think my problems finding work are due to the
economy and the number of people applying for each job now, rather than any lack
in me. Nonetheless, it's frustrating.

Meanwhile, today I have a
Pilates class and then an appointment with Cool Salon Guy to look forward to -- I
really shouldn't have cut my hair short at a time when my job was precarious, as
now I need to get it cut fairly often. Still, it gives me an excuse for something
I enjoy anyway.

Posted by dichroic at October 9, 2001 04:59 PM
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