September 17, 2002

cogitation completed

I'm back, having duly cogitated. No deep thoughts hit, but I didn't really expect
them to. I did do a lot of unwinding and catching up on some things I'd meant to
do forever; not only did I let my mind empty out, but I got the basket full of
papers that site on my file cabinet nearly empty as well, And I finally
embroidered T2's smartass signature on my tablecloth as well. I also made chili. I hadn't really wanted
to go out and spend money, but I needed a few cans of beans so while I was out that way I finally got the oil changed in my truck, as well. I met my husband for lunch, something we can't usually do on weekdays due to distance. And I read and read and read.

It felt right, somehow; much better, at least, than in other years when I've worked through the holiday. Yom Kippur isn't actually meant to be a one-day festival of contrition; the whole ten days before it are for remembering and atoning for sins. Yom Kippur is the seal of all those, the day of Judgement -- and, in a case convincingly made by Baraita, mercy. Maybe I'm doing a bit of cafeteria religion here, but worshipping an infinite God(dess) in a strict and prescribed way sounds pretty silly anyway. Whatever yesterday was or wasn't, it was good for my mental health and my putative serenity. I appreciated the minutes of my day, including even the food I ate (my biggest departure from strict tradition), and the media fast did keep me from gettig sucked into the usual frenzy.

Am I making excuses? Silly of me. This is what I did. I liked it. It worked well for me. I felt bigger at the end of the day than at the beginning.

One decision that I did make was not to waste any further time online. By "wasted time", I mean time in which I am not having fun, or learning something, or getting paid. I will keep updating this journal, but I will not write when I don't have anything to say. (A much rarer occurence than you'd think; remember I didn't say "anything profound to say". But when I don't feel like writing, I won't.) I've written in this journal every day since starting it a year and a half ago, often more than once a day, except for days when I've been out of town. If I ever had anything to prove, it's proved. I will not read other journals or email lists just to keep up with them; I won't read anything online, except as required by work, unless it entertains me or teaches me. Doing recreational things out of a feeling of "ought to" is just silly, and my free time is too scarce. The only real difference to Dichroic Reflections, probably, will be the occasional skipped weekend entry.

Posted by dichroic at September 17, 2002 04:59 PM
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